You should explain to your child what is going to happen before hand when she's not upset.  Tell her Mommy's going to take you to dance class and I'll be back as soon as the fun is over, or something to that effect.  And make sure you're there as soon as it's over.

If you drop her off and she cried and you go and get her, it'll only show her that crying for Mommy works.

Now, if the dance instructor is not willing to co-operate with this, it might make it more difficult.

If that's the case, maybe try dropping her off at a friend's place or somewhere else just to get her use to the idea that you may leave her for awhile but that you will be back to get her.

My 3rd child just started daycare (he's 3) and I thought for sure I'd have to same problem, as Cody is a real Mommies' boy!  But for the week leading up to daycare I told him about all the fun stuff he'd get to do etc., and that Daddy would be picking him up as soon as the fun was over!  He was perfect, no tears the 1st day but I had to stick around 1/2 hour!  2nd day was perfect, kissed me bye and ran off!!

Sorry I'm rambling!

They key is just to be consistent and not to give in to the tears!!  Those tears are such powerful tools!!

Good luck!

I agree - once they learn tears are tools - they can be quite manipulative!!

Roxanne

Has your DD gotten any better with seperation anxiety?

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Work from Home - ask me how!

Mom to DD (3 years) and DS (10 months)

But with most other things I told all of the instructors that she was having trouble and that she had sensory issues and despite other nasty Mommy glares and etc. I would stay in the room in a corner where she knew I was waiting quietly and unobtrusively. This was a hard hard time for us as she never seemed like she was ever going to get over it, but we kept working on it - months and months and months. Little Gym was excellent at understanding she needed my support. (Also sometimes the other Mommies are the worst with their glares and disapproving stares. I learned to ignore them as I knew what my child needed and she just took longer than other kids to get to the point where she felt safe. It was a process. And there were days I left activities balling my eyes out because I needed her to join in that activity for my sanity and to give me a tiny break, but she could not do it and the teacher/instructor was not supportive etc..)

After she began getting better at parting I would always warn her and describe to her where we were going, what it would be like and that I would come back etc. I give her lots of support transitioning to new things and even drive by the place before we go. I also used to have to tell her all the time "It's okay you are safe here. It's okay you are safe here."

Now at 4 she is fine with me dropping her off and leaving. Sometimes I still remind her she's safe and that Mommy comes back, remember?

It was hard, but worth it. I knew I was doing the best thing for my child. She was not a child who could cry it out. And because of the SPD a lot of things seemed bigger, scarier, louder, so I just got more accustomed to building a lot of extra transition time into everything.

Some kids just need more and that's okay, but hard sometimes too.

Paula