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RE: 5 months pregnant and going through an unwanted separation

deenie-doo — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 17:09:49 GMT

Hey there

Your situation with your husband sounds similar to what I went through. I was married to my ex in 2002. Our relationship was highly abusive...but the majority of the abuse was verbal and emotional. The thing is--relationships like this hardly EVER get 'better'. In fact, they only get worse (judging by my own situation). I used to think that things would change........but now I know better. I allowed myself to become completely isolated from my friends and family, and developed SEVERE anxiety. My ex would keep doing what he was going to do......and keep apologizing telling me that he was going to get help, etc. Well, he did get help, but he was only getting help in order to satisfy me. Things eventually got worse over the years.......

Your relationship sounds like it's a co-dependent relationship. These kind of relationships are not good, hunny. But, ironically, nobody can say or do anything to get you to leave!

I used to be sooo afraid that If I left my ex--I would have nowhere to go, no money, etc., and that I would be utterly alone. That was until I realized I was already alone. Everyone in this situation goes through these thoughts.

You have children, and an unborn baby to think about. Do you really want these children to grow up in this lifestyle? Better yet, think about how much stress you're causing to the unborn baby!!! (I'm not trying to harp on you, because I remember how I felt--just trying to make you see that there is another way).

When I left my ex....things were hard for a few months, but then they slowly got better!!! Looking back, I made the best decision in my life, I only wish I had done it sooner!!! I now have my own home, a new understanding of life and relationships, I'm engaged to a wonderful man that supports and comforts me, and a baby on the way!!!! (I'm 5 months prego).

Listen to your head--not your heart Sometimes we wish so hard that the ones we love will change, or that the situation will change. In reality--it is YOU who has to change. Take a stand.....you have to make your life the way you want it!!

RE: 5 months pregnant and going through an unwanted separation

innerwizdom — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 13:12:22 GMT

First of all, this is very serious and you need to get some professional help. These boards are not the place for this. There must be a woman's shelter in your area and they should be the first place you go with your story. They may have counsellors, or women's groups where you can get some help. They can also tell you where to get more help, for you, your partner, and your child(ren). You should know that they will have a responsibility to contact Children's Aid (CAS) once you tell them your story. While this is a scary thought, and not one w/o a lot of unwanted stress while you are pregnant, it may be for the best (if you get a "good" CAS worker - they are not all the same!). There are court-ordered programs -PARS or partner assault response, or similarly named ones - that are very helpful. The re-ofender rate of these programs is extremely low. You may be able to find this program and enter it (either together or separate) w/o going the "legal" route. Urban areas have community counselling programs (sliding-scale fee) where you can go to get this help. Please get help! Your partner will not stop w/o intervention and having a new baby will not stop him either. If you cannot stay away from him (which may be the best option anyway) you MUST seek help. It's okay to give him an ultimatum - go to an anger management/abuse program, finish it, and then we can talk about where to go next, but until then we must stay apart.

Stay Strong - this is never any easy situation.

<hug>

5 months pregnant and going through an unwanted separation

newmomtobeagain — Sun, 17 Jun 2007 16:17:23 GMT

Im new here and thought I would share my story and maybe get some advice.

Ok....my husband and I have been together 2 years. 6 months ago we got married. 4 months ago we bought a house, actually he bought the house with money he got from a settlement. 2 weeks after that I found out I was pregnant. At first I was extremely excited and happy about the thought of being a mom again (I already have a 6 year old). Unfortunately my husband was not that excited about it and not supportive what so ever. We have always had a rocky relationship, both verbal and physical abuse on both our behalf. I stopped hitting him and intiating physical fights about 8 months ago because this was not something I wanted to raise my child around and I knew things were one day gonna end up really bad. My husband on the other hand has continued to hit me, pull my hair, spit on me, bite me, etc. I have tried getting help for us, but it seems the only time he wants to get help is when its really bad, rather than getting help before to prevent it from getting that bad. Last week he was arrested but let go into his moms care with conditions not to come near our house or contact me. The thing is I dont want this for us. I want us to be able to work things out, I want him to get help for his anger. When I married him I thought I would be with him forever. I thought that was what marriage was suppose to be. I just dont know what to do anymore, the stress of all this is taking a toll on me. I dont want to raise our child on my own but on the other hand I dont want to raise children in a home like this. Another thing....last month we took 5 days apart from each other, during that time he told me he had paid a woman for sexual pleasures. At first I was hysterical, I thought how could you do this to someone your suppose to love and whos carrying your child. But I chose to forgive him and move on. But of course I told him this would take some time for me to get over. Everyone just keeps telling me to leave. I feel like Ive failed in my marriage. I dont know if I should keep trying to work on things or just leave and move on with my life. I dont know how hes feeling right now. I know his mom is telling him to leave me, we never got along to begin with. And if he does go through with a divorce Im scared of whats gonna happen to me and my children. And where we will live. Any advice anyone can offer would be greatly appreciated.