I have a sensitive question...would you guys stay in marriage even if you don't have feelings with your DH anymore for the sake of your child? For some reason I don't have feelings w/ DH anymore...I don't know if this is just hormones or what? Sometimes I couldn't stand him and he drives me crazy! I feel so frustrated. We have a daughter, she's almost 2 (in july). I keep saying that I would leave him and he would say...go just leave our daughter, but we all know that it was just a joke. That's my fear too, what if he'll take my daughter? I want my daughter to be w/ me. DH is fine man, but sometimes...urghh!!! I've been telling him things since day one, but it wasn't registering in his brain..like put your stuff away after using it...etc..

I have asked this to my mom and she said that I should love him for the sake of ou daughter. I told her that I don't love him anymore. We hardly make love anymore. I didn't want him touching me or anything. What should I do? Should I stay b/c of our daughter. Any advise or suggestions are welcome.

Confused

This may not be the case for you, but I've noticed that in our society, a lot of people put a lot of emphasis on a wedding and expect to have that initial lovestruck feeling forever.  But, hey, as it turns out, keeping a relationship strong and healthy is actually work!  Maybe you two need to re-examine what brought you together and revisit those qualities in order to find out if you are meant to be together.

In the weeks before we were married, the preacher asked us each to write a list of the top ten reasons we wanted to be married to each other.  Did you do something similar?  If not, try to think back to the time when you decided to get married and write down the reasons you thought you wanted to be together forever.  Do those qualities in each other still exist?  If not, why not? 

You say that things you say often don't sink in.  Have you tried checking your wording?  "Hey, dumbass, put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher!" is different than "Hon, it would really help if you put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher."  Generally speaking, men like to solve problems and find solutions...if he thinks that it solves a problem to do something, he might just do it!

I'm not a counsellor, so those are just the thoughts off the top of my head.  I hope it might help a little, but I still recommend that you look into marriage counselling.  Give it an honest shot before you call it quits.  Just my opinion, of course, but then you asked for it!

I would never leave without a fight-meaning, counselling and trying very hard-yes, for the sake of my kids, but foremost for my sake. And for the sake of my marriage vows.

My DH has been through a divorce and after I've seen what he's gone through-I don't recommend it for anyone unless they've really tried everything-or obviously if there is abuse or addictions.

Another suggestion I have for you besides counselling, is to see your Family Doctor. You might want to start with him first. Perhaps you or DH have an underlying medical condition (depression is very common is men and women and often not diagnosed) that could be contributing to your situationg.

All the best and keep us posted.

Karyn

DSS #1 Feb 98, DSS #2 July 99, and

Baby Due Jan 27, 2007!! Recently Married April 29/06 (our baby is a honeymoon baby)

Moderator!

As for him not listening, there are some things you just have to learn to live with.  Everyone is different and what may be a priority for you isn't for him.  I've had to learn that sometimes it's easier to just do it myself instead of trying to change my dh.

The best thing you can do is try to work things out, but ultimately listen to yourself.  You know what's right, deep down.  It may not be what other people would do, but it's your life and you have to be happy with your decisions.

What does he do all day and yourself, because I don't like coming home from work, you have to cook, do dishes and other things, sometimes I just want to come home, rest, and not do anything.  I also let my husband do the same if he wants to do something go for it but if he wants to rest than rest.  And when I do ask for some help and support around the home I better be happy the way he does it or I mind as well do it myself it you want it the way you normally do it.  It's the effort and contribution that counts not spic and span.  A relationship is 100% for both not 50-50.  There were times I felt like leaving my relationship and he'd probably say the same thing go ahead but leave by yourself and don't let the door hit you in the a#s.  I wanted to tell him I'm leaving just to make myself feel better but I knew that's not what I wanted and it shouldn't be said unless you know that your leaving the relationship for good.

It's such a touchy topic, we need to learn was is really in the way, ask yourself, what happen along the way or was it there before you moved in together.  How would he know who you really are if you don't tell him what your feeling?  I used to try and understand why things go the way they are but I stop trying to understand and started asking questions?  Our life is not perfect, we fall down and we have to pick ourselves back up by asking for support, guidance.  We learn through experience, mistakes and through that we learn, gain knowledge, and wisdom.  But that takes time and you know who have wisdom the elders, older generation, so we have life to live.  If your still young your learning, and by asking for help by communicating your gaining knowledge.  What ever decision you make in life you will gain wisdom because you been through it. 

Well I hope you find the answers your searching for, but only you can make that choice because I wouldn't want a judge making the choice who my kid gets to stay with.  So hope things work out and take care.

Proud mother of two beautiful girls

Cloe Danielle born July 3, 2006

6 months @ 24 lbs 29 inches

Skyler Courtney March 15, 1995

excited for upcoming birthday

When I was getting married, I asked a lot of people for there best advice, one lady told me how after 15 years of marriage and 5 years in a specific house her husband asked her where she kept the bowls!  I could not believe it but she said, "this is something that I would have been so mad at 15 years ago.  How can we live in the same house and he does not even know where the bowls are!"  She said now, she does not evern mention it, she tells him whrere the bowls are and gives him a hug. 

She said what am I going to do, through away 15 years because of some stupid bowls.  She said she learned what matters! 
This is some advice that I thought might help, don't let every little thing get under your skin.

I truely hope you make the best decision for you and your baby, talk to someone neutral, and hopefully work out something.  Just remember why you fell in love in the first place.

That said I think you should both work on your marriage. The biggest reason the divorce rate is so high nowawdays is because people just stop working at it. It's easier to give up then to get through the bumps.

Not to long ago I heard a story of a woman who had decided to leave her DH and she was told by her friend that the best thing she could do would be to go home and do things as though she was completely in love with him, being nicer, helping him out, doing things together. So that he felt loved and after a few months she should walk out the door with her bags packed. So this is what she did. Became a great wife and did things more like she used to when they were first together and when she was talking with her friend again, her friend said that now would be the perfect time to leave him so that he would be devastated. Only she said she no longer wanted to leave her DH because in pretending at first to love him she had fallen IN LOVE again.

Something to think about.

Mom of Cole (age 4) and Carter (age 2)

www.scotiapuzzles.com