 Posted 4/9/2006 12:26:45 AM
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| My 26 month old daughter has a new favourite phrase. All day long, every day for a couple of weeks now, she's been spouting off, "Hurt the puppy, hurt the mommy, hurt the daddy, hurt the Tyson (her 5 month old brother), even hurt the Peyton (herself)" She actually DOES hurt the puppy sometimes. We've told her not to pull his hair/tail, not to hit him. We tell her to touch nice when she says her phrase. We've put her in her room for time-outs when she's mean to anyone. We've even spanked her sometimes for being mean (I know there are various views on spanking.) She isn't mean to him all the time, she's actually nice to him a lot of the time. But she's mean often enough that he doesn't trust her. The puppy is only 3 months old, and we've had him about 6 weeks. He's kennelled most of the day because I simply can't protect either him nor my daughter from one another. She also occasionally does slap me or her dad, but she never actually hurts her little brother on purpose. We thought that she desperately loved dogs, by her reaction to any live dog or picture of a dog before we adopted our puppy. I don't know if we are being too lenient or too strict or not consistent enough (although it really feels like we're being consistent...), or if it's just a phase she'll grow out of. But in the meantime, I'm afraid that our dog is going to learn to be mean, and I don't want that to happen. Anyone have any suggestions to curb this behaviour?
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Posted 4/10/2006 3:03:17 PM
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| Oh boy this is a tough one. It sounds like your daughter may be a bit jealous of the puppy. Not really sure about that but it kind of looks that way by your posting. Since the puppy is so young it is probably and easy target for her too. I doubt she completely understands that what she is doing is hurtful to the dog. She may like the sound he makes when she hurts him. Just a thought. It also sounds like you have your hands full, Mom. A puppy and two little ones. Do you get a break where she is in daycare and the puppy can spend some time out of the kennel. Maybe ask a dog trainer what to do for the dog cause I really don't have anything to say regarding his behaviour or how to help him. I think what you are doing by reinforcing to your daughter that it hurts the dog and showing her how to handle the dog is awesome. She will grow out of it but I am sure she doesnt completely understand the ramifications of hurting the dog. She might like the attention she gets when she hurts him. As for her saying those things about the family, I'm sure this is just a phase. She is testing her words and how they go together. If you are concerned definitely ask your paed.
 I love my Pontiac Vibe!! 
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Posted 4/10/2006 5:12:19 PM
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| Since I wrote that post I decided to try leaving the puppy out of the kennel most of the day to see what happened. We're only on day two of this, but I'm already noticing a difference. I think that because he's out all day, it's not such a novelty to have him roaming about. Peyton actually leaves him alone a lot of the time. And we have of course had a couple of "incidents" where she's antagonized him and he's bit her hand...once was bad enough to break the skin and bleed a little, but not too bad, not even bad enough to need a bandaid. Hopefully bad enough for her to learn to be nicer! He's only a little guy (shitzu/bichon cross), so it's not like he's going to eat her alive or anything. I don't like that she's been bitten, but maybe it's the only way she'll learn. And she is being nicer most of the time. I'm hoping that this will help...but just in case I'm still open to other suggestions! Oh, and break? What break? Farmer's wives don't get breaks!!! Actually, my husband is awesome and does a lot to help with the kids, especially the older one (and the puppy, since he's the one who wanted him!) But, we're getting into the busy season now, so I foresee a lot of sleep deprivation in my future!
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Posted 4/10/2006 8:32:06 PM
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Tallgirl, you probably already know this but you need to VERY strict and consitent with what form of punsihment your daughter gets for doing this to the puppy, I say this because even though the dog won't get any bigger, the bite will and they don't forget too easily. If she continues to hurt the dog and he continues to bite (which of course he's only defending himself, it's not like he has no reason for biting her), she's going to get hurt alot more than just a scratch. Leaving the dog out all day is good because your daughter needs to learn but you need to be consistent with her punishment so she puts two and two together and realizes that if I do this, this is what's going to happen. Time outs work but only to a certain extend I think. Of course it depends on the child, but you need to pick an open spot in the house where you can view her... away from anything she can play with...even a chair in the middle of the room or off to the side and she sits there for the amount of time her age is. If she needs to sit there 20 times for the first day, then 20 times it is and she will learn very soon. It's going to be very straining and time consuming for you but worth it in the end. You need to let the dog out or it will not be socialized properly with the children even though they are all in the same house. The kennel should be left open as it represents a "space" for him to go when he needs to be left alone and the children need to learn that this is the puppy's space...like your bedroom.
I hope that helps you.
Sherry
Hockey mom!!!!
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Posted 4/11/2006 9:37:16 AM
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Excellent advice skeller.
I didn't realize thaat you were leaving the puppy out more. That is a great way to socialize your daughter and the puppy. But of course you will be teaching the two of them how to behave.
I hear you on the farmer's wife thing. We have only a small acreage but in the spring, holy cow, a ton of work. Are you getting at least sometime to yourself. You must be very busy.
I love my Pontiac Vibe!!
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Posted 4/11/2006 12:01:44 PM
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Thanx Bresco!. We have always had large breed dogs and now own an Akita. It's been alot of trial and error...with kids and the dogs, but you learn what works and what doesn't. My Dh works for PetsMart and we know alot of breeders, so I can't take ALL the credit, but I hope it helps.
Hockey mom!!!!
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Posted 5/22/2006 4:29:10 PM
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| Well, after 2.5 months of me having to spend pretty much all day, every day admonishing my daughter for mistreating our puppy, we've put him into "foster care". My brother-in-law was kind enough to agree to take him in, and since he has a littermate of the puppy, now they both have a friend/brother their own size and age to play with. I think everyone is happier now. We were sad to see him go, but it's the best thing to do. My daughter is in general much much much better behaved than she was when the puppy was around, and I actually have time to do something other than discipline her for mistreating the puppy. My brother-in-law offered that if we wanted to try again, we could, but after seeing her in action again a couple of times with the puppies at family get-togethers, I think it will be a long time before she's ready for that kind of thing. She doesn't seem to understand that he doesn't live with us anymore because of her own actions (I tried to explain that to her). I know she's so young, but she seems so smart in so many ways that I thought she might get that and we might be able to try again. But I don't think we will...not for a couple of years anyway...and by then our son will be that age and maybe wouldn't be a good time for it either! Argh!
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Posted 5/23/2006 10:01:36 AM
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| Sounds like you've made the best decision Tallgirl. For your DD and for your dog. I'm sure it was hard to give him to your brother-but it's for the best. You already have your hands full with the two little ones-the puppy was only adding to your stress. I'm sure you'll know when the right time is to get another dog.
Karyn DSS #1 Feb 98, DSS #2 July 99, and Baby Due Jan 27, 2007!!  Recently Married April 29/06 (our baby is a honeymoon baby) Moderator!
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Posted 5/23/2006 10:01:41 AM
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Sounds like you made a good decision all around. Hugs to you. I must have been difficult.
I love my Pontiac Vibe!!
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